Here is that same example in a Word doc.

I remember when amusing yourself was not internet-dependent.  For example, my husband and I used to write limericks.  They’re not particularly good, but, unlike whatever Netflix thing I watched last night, they survive.

A silly old bag from Loch Lomond

Believed in a terrible omen

With chattering teeth

She fled o’er the heath

And stumbled and drowned in the gloaming

A near-sighted harpy from Wells

Confused all her magic and spells

She mixed up a potion

With Calamine lotion

Because of her love for the smells

A middle-aged woman from Guam

Sat down on a hydrogen bomb

Her feet and her face

Were completely erased

But her ass remained perfectly calm

[alternate ending:

Causing condition

Of nuclear fission

Depriving her bairn of their mom]

A grotty old guy from Vancouver

Employed as a furniture mover

Got horny one day

In a violent way

And made love to a customer’s Hoover

There was an old man in Dobb’s Ferry

Who went to the public library

He took, as his choice,

The works of James Joyce

To paper his new apiary

There was an old man from Rangoon

Who ate with a runcible spoon

He used his bread knife

To butter his wife

And fed her to his pet baboon

There was a young lady from Nimes

Who slathered herself with whipped cream

And traveled to Thierry

Dressed as a strawberry

Rendezvoused with a shortcake intime.

A tidy old broad from Spokane

Once fell face-first into a fan

But she was so neat

And so fast on her feet

That she caught the whole mess in a pan

Go ahead and write one.  It will improve your day.

What kind of phobic are you?

What's Your Phobia?

Start Quiz

Page 1 of 6

Your favorite section of the newspaper is

the funnies the obits the classifieds the op-eds coupons

Page 2 of 6

If you have to die accidentally, you'd prefer to

stumble and sprawl in front of a tram electrocute yourself in a set tub choke on a cube of raw wagyu crunch down on a blowfish ovary pass out from sunstroke while gardening in Ecuador and be devoured by army ants

Page 3 of 6

You are mildly afraid of

spiders snakes the ocean the sun the air

Page 4 of 6

Which apocalyptic event are you expecting in your lifetime?

asteroid catastrophe perfect hyperstorm solar wink-out series of earthquakes opens up a huge crack neatly bisecting the globe worldwide coordinated attack of army ants

Page 5 of 6

Nobody believes you when you tell them there's

a strangler under your bed a vampire in your chiffarobe a grinning skull in your microwave a specter in your gazebo a zombie in your hot tub

Page 6 of 6

Your favorite end-of-the-world movie is

Armageddon Apocalypse Now Attack of the Killer Tomatoes The Day After The Last Airbender

Ready to send

You can make them up yourself, then con strangers into wasting their own time taking them.   Here’s the first:

What obscure body part are you?

If you were a body part, what would you be?

Start Quiz

Page 1 of 4

A really cute guy/girl asks you out!!! You

call the police tell him/her you're old enough to be his/her grandmother/grandfather ask him/her what kind of girl/guy does he/she think you are? say "sure" and then prank him so that he shows up at the wrong address and gets clocked by your crazy Uncle Delbert wake up sneer, say "Good one!" and walk away, your heart shattering into jagged shards

Page 2 of 4

It's third period and you're late for Mrs. Armbruster's geometry test. You rush into class, grab a test sheet, and head for your desk. You notice that everyone is pointing at you and laughing, Then you realize you aren't wearing any pants. You

bolt for the door, covering your ass with the test sheet vomit wake up in bed wake up on the classroom floor, half-naked and covered with vomit pass the test with flying colors secretly enjoy yourself

Page 3 of 4

You awaken from a terrible nightmare, the details of which are instantly lost to you. You are drenched in cold sweat and have an overwhelming thirst. Blindly, you grope your way to the bathroom. You turn on the light, and there, in the mirror over the sink, is a sight that stops your breath. It's

a death threat written in lip gloss tiny speckles of toothpaste that spell out 666 your face, aged fifty years your actual face right this minute a post-it with a smiley face the spitting image of Cthulu

Page 4 of 4

Your favorite fashion color is

salmon trout bone concrete blancmange sperm

What obscure body part are you?

Fellow writers are invited to describe how they avoid writing; they may even display their writing-avoidance achievements right here on this page.  

I’ll go first.  

Pointless cross-stitching is, I’ve found, much better for this activity than TV-watching, floor-scrubbing, and mousing around on the web.   There’s the pseudo creativity angle, plus the fact that you’re making a surprise gift for a loved one, or even a passing acquaintance.   Hell, you could even sandbag a total stranger on the street.   Instead of a fistful of germy M&Ms, you could slip the unwitting  passerby  a one-of-a-kind wall decoration.   Below is a keepsake for my son, the fabulously talented jazz keyboardist Ed Kornhauser, who has yet to learn he’s getting it.   I got the idea from his Facebook page.    I can’t wait to see his face light up with joy.   Or possibly alarm. Next I’d love to do “Release the kraken,” although I’m having trouble figuring out who would best benefit from such a memento.    The horizons are limitless!  

Look, if you’re not going to join me, stop me.   It’s up to you.  

Note that artistic talent is completely optional.

is waiting for players.   Click on the link to the right entitled The Agony of the Feet.   If you don’t remember what “dactylic” means, look it up.