What’s your bank password?Share this postWhat's the password to your bank account? Start QuizPage 1 of 6 The last thing you ate was loquat pan dowdy a handful of rancid pistachios I can't remember it's been days none of your damn business you soulless creep Page 2 of 6 The first thing you ever shoplifted was a rack of lamb a tube of industrial strength lip balm a can of haggis a bottle of sparkling yogurito a box of Merlot Page 3 of 6 Add your mother's maiden name to your favorite nonsense word and find out your stripper name! It's Ricketts McDiGittY Kowalcimi Basset-Lavage Zapata Hahahahahaha Cinnamon Bombe Page 4 of 6 Your favorite Halloween candy is Blow Pops AbbaZabba Mounds Pixy-Stix Wax Lips Page 5 of 6 What was your first car? An Edsel A Pinto A 1974 Vega A Conestoga A Gremlin Page 6 of 6 The top song on the day you were wed was I Feel Good All Over Runaway Let's Roll If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now Achy Breaky Arm Ready to send
Just how moral are you?Share this postOn the morality scale, you are Start QuizPage 1 of 5 Your first bad deed in childhood was spitting out a communion wafer spitting out your great-aunt's radish aspic stealing your great-aunt's amethyst brooch stealing your great-aunt's breath Page 2 of 5 In your opinion, the most obscene hand gesture is the thumbs-up in Argentina the cutis in Pakistan the moutza in Athens the fig in Indonesia Page 3 of 5 Despite all that is holy, you cannot help admiring Marco Rubio Wilford Brimley Boris Johnson Benny Hill your navel Page 4 of 5 When you glance at a blobfish, you automatically think of The Supreme Court Marco Rubio that time you “accidentally” spilled the beans about your sister’s mad crush on Harvey Kinkle from Sabrina the Teenage Witch the inevitability of death Page 5 of 5 You would sell your soul for just one night with Kellyanne Conway Moms Mabley The Red Army Choir Marco Rubio out this terrible itching Ready to send
To whom were you married in your past life?Share this postLong, long ago, you were married to... Start QuizPage 1 of 6 My idea of a romantic evening is lolling with my sweetie in front of a roaring fire sharing one strand of spaghetti in a dark alley allogrooming in a loveseat horsing around in a gazebo handholding while bingeing on Blackadder Page 2 of 6 My favorite hobby is baton twirling bus spotting herping larping gongoozling Page 3 of 6 My lifelong dream is to own my own yurt to bring peace to all the nations of the earth to invent a more attractive face-mounted nose stylus to get through one goddamn day without dealing with that goddamn Maurice LaTouche Page 4 of 6 I have a secret crush on the pool guy Rosemary DeCamp The Tick Greta Van Sustern Page 5 of 6 Nobody knows I'm alive here desperate for a fix jonesing for an amuse-bouche hopelessly devoted to you Page 6 of 6 In fact, right now I'm having a gas attack pining for the fjords bored out of my freaking skull polishing my memoirs polishing my rocket launcher Ready to send
How sexually experienced are you, really?Share this postAre you a true erotic adept? Start QuizPage 1 of 5 The most life-changing invention of the 21st century is McUndies The like-fueled algorithm The two-in-one door and ping-pong table Chemtrail Mix The face nozzle Page 2 of 5 My all-time favorite breakfast cereal is Mocha Wasabi Special K Honey Bunches of Nuts Cocoa Locoa Vegan Pops Buckwheat-Blown Waffle Charms Page 3 of 5 My favorite dirty book is The Lust Boat Your Book Title Here Space Raptor Butt Invasion Here Is My Body, Get Over It Ravished by the Triceratops Page 4 of 5 Who said "Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again--just watch. He can do much better!" Snidely Whiplash Moonbeam McSwine Mortimer Snerd Arnie "Asshat" McAdoo The 45th President of the United States Page 5 of 5 Nobody knows that in my most secret dreams I'm a phlebotomist philatelist physiatrist philologist phonograph-cartridge assembler Ready to send
Where the hell are your car keys?Share this postSeriously you've lost them again Start QuizPage 1 of 4 What is this? a closet flange a torque nut a catspaw pivot basin lag a butterfly strap hinge Page 2 of 4 My most treasured childhood doll was Poor Pitiful Pearl Madame Alexander Rodriguez Titus the Tantrum Tyke McMurdo Sound Barbie Page 3 of 4 If I were a rash, I'd be contact dermatitis pityriasis rosea scabies shingles flammulated mange Page 4 of 4 My catchphrase is Another day, another vertebra. What are you gonna do? Kill me now. Kiss my foot. Where the hell are your car keys?
What obscure body part are youShare this postIf you were a body part, what would you be? Start QuizPage 1 of 4 A really cute guy/girl asks you out!!! You call the police tell him/her you're old enough to be his/her grandmother/grandfather ask him/her what kind of girl/guy does he/she think you are? say "sure" and then prank him so that he shows up at the wrong address and gets clocked by your crazy Uncle Delbert wake up sneer, say "Good one!" and walk away, your heart shattering into jagged shards Page 2 of 4 It's third period and you're late for Mrs. Armbruster's geometry test. You rush into class, grab a test sheet, and head for your desk. You notice that everyone is pointing at you and laughing, Then you realize you aren't wearing any pants. You bolt for the door, covering your ass with the test sheet vomit wake up in bed wake up on the classroom floor, half-naked and covered with vomit pass the test with flying colors secretly enjoy yourself Page 3 of 4 You awaken from a terrible nightmare, the details of which are instantly lost to you. You are drenched in cold sweat and have an overwhelming thirst. Blindly, you grope your way to the bathroom. You turn on the light, and there, in the mirror over the sink, is a sight that stops your breath. It's a death threat written in lip gloss tiny speckles of toothpaste that spell out 666 your face, aged fifty years your actual face right this minute a post-it with a smiley face the spitting image of Cthulu Page 4 of 4 Your favorite fashion color is salmon trout bone concrete blancmange sperm What obscure body part are you?
What’s your IQ?Share this postHow smart are you? Start QuizPage 1 of 5 The most embarrassing word in English is besom bosom buxom bosun penis Page 2 of 5 My spirit animal is the axolotl the potto the red-lipped batfish the lamprey the hall monitor Page 3 of 5 Nobody knows that I'm secretly discreet nonplussed taciturn reticent Brian Boitano Page 4 of 5 My favorite TV personality is Jo Ann Pflug Scott Bakula Denver Pyle Vivian Vance Bingo the Chimp Page 5 of 5 What do the number 16, 25, and 36 have in common? They all have two digits They are all under 37 They are all over 15 They are boring All of the above Ready to send
What Irrationally Scares the Crap Out of You?Share this postWhat's Your Phobia? Start QuizPage 1 of 6 Your favorite section of the newspaper is the funnies the obits the classifieds the op-eds coupons Page 2 of 6 If you have to die accidentally, you'd prefer to stumble and sprawl in front of a tram electrocute yourself in a set tub choke on a cube of raw wagyu crunch down on a blowfish ovary pass out from sunstroke while gardening in Ecuador and be devoured by army ants Page 3 of 6 You are mildly afraid of spiders snakes the ocean the sun the air Page 4 of 6 Which apocalyptic event are you expecting in your lifetime? asteroid catastrophe perfect hyperstorm solar wink-out series of earthquakes opens up a huge crack neatly bisecting the globe worldwide coordinated attack of army ants Page 5 of 6 Nobody believes you when you tell them there's a strangler under your bed a vampire in your chiffarobe a grinning skull in your microwave a specter in your gazebo a zombie in your hot tub Page 6 of 6 Your favorite end-of-the-world movie is Armageddon Apocalypse Now Attack of the Killer Tomatoes The Day After The Last Airbender Ready to send
